Student Anxiety and School: Why It Happens and How Parents and Educators Can Help
School shouldn’t feel like a threat. But for many students, it does. Whether it’s the fear of tests, overwhelming environments, or the pressure to fit in, anxiety can hijack a student’s ability to learn.
In this episode of Learning Differently, hosts Lynna and Mike talk with Dr. Marta Shinn about what school anxiety really looks like, how it disrupts learning, and what can actually help students feel safe and supported again. You’ll walk away with insights that challenge assumptions and practical tools you can use tomorrow.
Rethinking Anxiety: More Than Worry
Anxiety isn’t just about “feeling nervous.” It’s a spectrum. On the mild end, it might show up as butterflies before a test. On the more severe end, it can escalate into panic attacks, somatic complaints like stomachaches or headaches, or even what looks like defiance or tantrums in teens.
Dr. Marta Shinn, psychologist and guest on Learning Differently, explains that anxiety essentially hijacks the brain. Just like when you’re running late and can’t find your keys, stress makes it harder to think clearly.
“In the same way that it is when you’re frantically looking for your keys… try learning under those conditions,” she notes.
That brain hijack is why anxiety can impact memory, focus, and the ability to show what a student knows—even if they’ve mastered the content.
What Students Wish Adults Understood
One of the hardest things about anxiety is that kids often can’t explain what’s happening to them. As Dr. Shinn notes, many teens might think or feel:
- “I don’t know why I’m anxious.”
- “I’m not trying to stress you out or be difficult.”
- “My grumpiness, shutting down, or avoiding things might really be anxiety.”
On top of that, adolescence brings its own pressure. Teens may feel they should be able to handle stress on their own—and the shame of not being able to can make them withdraw further.
That’s why one of the most powerful things adults can do is seek to understand before trying to fix.
How Educators and Parents Can Support Students
Anxiety doesn’t go away with tough love or “snapping out of it.” Instead, students need safety, trust, and practical tools.
For Educators
- Initiate connection: Don’t wait for anxious students to open up. Befriend them in age-appropriate ways: learn their interests, show genuine care, and create opportunities for disclosure.
- Watch for hidden signs: Avoidance, irritability, or even joking around can mask deep stress. Pay attention to patterns.
For Parents
- Relate to today’s stressors: Instead of saying, “When I was in school…” share about a current work challenge or stressful deadline. Kids connect more with parallels to modern, real-world stress.
- Offer resources, not ultimatums: Share strategies you’ve found helpful, but give your child “permission” to try, fail, and figure out what works.
- Normalize (not dramatize) anxiety: Let them know you believe their experience, even if you can’t see it.
Myth-Busting Anxiety
Let’s clear up some of the most common misconceptions about executive functioning:
Myth #1: A child’s anxiety comes from their parents’ anxiety.
Not true. Anxiety is individual, though parents can play a role in co-regulating and modeling calm.
Myth #2: Anxiety is an excuse to avoid work and responsibility.
Avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s a red flag. If a student avoids a task, it’s often because the task itself feels overwhelming or unsafe.
Myth #3: Anxiety always looks like worry.
Many symptoms are internal. Shutting down, irritability, or even tantrums can all signal hidden anxiety.
Behind Every Anxious Student
At the heart of it, anxiety is the body and brain’s way of saying: “I don’t feel safe.” When adults slow down, listen, and respond with compassion, they help students feel seen—and that sense of safety is what allows learning to happen.
What Thriving Looks Like
Students with executive function challenges don’t need more lectures about “trying harder.” They need structured coaching, flexible systems, and compassion.
As Dr. Shinn reminds us:
“Behind every moment of school refusal or overwhelm is a student who just wants to feel safe, seen, and supported.”
Take the Learning DNA Quiz
Take our quick Learning DNA Quiz to better understand your child’s strengths and struggles—and get personalized strategies to support growth.
And if this episode helped you see anxiety in a new light, please rate and share the show on Spotify or subscribe on YouTube. Your support helps us reach more families and educators who need this message.
Remember, when we understand how they learn, we unlock who they can become.
