Social Struggles: How to Help Neurodiverse Students Build Friendships
Some students don’t just struggle with academics. They struggle to connect. Whether it’s due to anxiety, autism, ADHD, or past experiences, social difficulties can leave students feeling isolated and misunderstood.
In this episode of Learning Differently, Lynna Martinez-Khalilian and Mike Wang talk with Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson about what social challenges look like in school and how educators and parents can help students build meaningful peer connections.
Rethinking Friendship: Why Social Struggles Are More Than “Shyness”
When we think of school, we often focus on academics. But for many students, the hardest part of the day isn’t math or writing. It’s recess, lunch, or group work.
Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson, clinical psychologist and author of The Science of Making Friends, explains that while some students are actively rejected by peers and others are simply overlooked, both experiences can be deeply painful—and each tends to manifest in different ways.
Neurodiverse students may have trouble picking up on social cues, misread intentions, or simply feel unsure about how to join a group. And while it might look like they’re not interested in making friends, the truth is often the opposite.
Dr. Elizabeth Laugeson emphasizes that while social interaction can’t be forced, students can develop skills that make it easier and more natural to connect with others.
What Doesn’t Work (and What Does)
One of the most common mistakes adults make is offering vague, well-meaning advice like “Just go say hi!” or “Be yourself!” But these don’t give students the concrete skills they need.
What works instead?
- Ecologically valid strategies – like how to enter an ongoing conversation or suggest a shared activity
- Shared interest spaces – clubs, art, gaming, or music-based activities
- Adult facilitation that feels natural – activities should feel more like relaxed social time than structured icebreakers
And most importantly, understanding that social development is a skillset—not something all kids pick up automatically.
Real Tools for Parents and Educators
In our “Real Talk, Real Tools” segment, Lynna and Mike highlight small shifts that can make a big difference in how we support connection.
- 1. Focus on shared interests, not forced interaction
Art clubs, gaming groups, music sessions—these low-pressure environments give students common ground to connect without having to “perform” socially. - Use real-life situations as teachable moments
Whether it’s joining a group chat or navigating social drama, walk through it with them. Ask, “How did that feel?” not “What did you say?” - Celebrate the small wins
A glance, a text reply, a lunch table conversation—acknowledge effort, not outcomes. “Proud of you for showing up” goes a long way.
Myth-Busting: What Social Struggles Aren’t
Let’s separate fact from fiction:
Myth: “Some kids just don’t care about having friends.”
Fact: Many neurodiverse students deeply want connection. They just haven’t been taught how.
Myth: “If they’re on social media, they must be socially fine.”
Fact: Digital fluency doesn’t equal social fluency.
Myth: “Social issues are just part of growing up.”
Fact: For some kids, social struggles aren’t a phase. They’re a persistent challenge that needs support, not dismissal.
Myth: “You can force kids to make friends.”
Fact: You can’t force friendship, but you can teach social skills and create environments that make connection more likely.
The Science of Connection
Mike and Lynna share research in our “Research Roundup” segment that connects peer relationships to academic and emotional wellbeing:
- Students with strong peer relationships show better long-term academic outcomes. (Wentzel et al., 2009)
- Students with ADHD or autism are significantly more likely to experience social exclusion. (Cappadocia & Weiss, 2011)
- Peer rejection is strongly associated with adolescent anxiety and depression. (Ladd & Troop-Gordon, 2003)
These numbers tell a clear story: relationships matter.
What Thriving Looks Like
Connection doesn’t have to be loud or constant. For many students, having just one trusted friend is enough to dramatically shift their school experience.
“By the time I was 12 years old, I had already lived in 21 places,” Dr. Laugeson shares. That early instability shaped her deep understanding of what it means to long for connection—and ultimately inspired her work.
Because when we teach social skills with intention, inclusion becomes more than a buzzword. It becomes real.
Take the Learning DNA Quiz
If your child struggles socially at school, you’re not alone. Every student’s path to connection looks a little different—and understanding how they learn is the first step.
Take the quick Learning DNA Quiz to discover your child’s learning profile and get tips for supporting their academic and social growth.
